Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Ze Tribute to the chapaating Red-coloured green monster, Mr. X

“Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.”

True, isn’t it? Every time I laugh with someone, I find myself getting drawn closer to the individual. It seems as if a thousand words have been spoken, all the secrets have been confided and every impediment overcome. Even an affable smile with that genuine spark in the eyes is more than enough to let me be……..

One of my sort-ofs, Mani unkill, started writing a blog last year. It started out as an assortment of bounteous pictures and unkill’s trademark PJs. The blogs had intermittent sparks of good humour(beg your pardon) in an otherwise unattractive blog. They were a far cry from his hilarious runtime PJs. However, chapaat was the only one of its kind. Gradually, it started evolving and improving with every blog that he wrote. They started getting longer, more comprehensible and humorous. It started gaining popularity. Some people even started patronizing chapaat. What happened to the blog thence should be seen to be believed.
I’ve, in this blog, made a suicidal attempt to write a chapaat. Believe me, this is going to be one of my most incongruous, silly blogs but that’s the way life seems to be.......plain silly.

CHAPAAT!!
As I woke up from one of my deepest slumbers, I found myself winking in Tarr’s class. Opening my eyes had never been so damn difficult. On the top of it, I had to face one of the most apathetic, annoyed, grimaced faces ever seen on the face of this planet. I kept reminding myself that it was just a passing phase and even if it wasn’t, I’d to face up to it. On the face of it, it didn’t seem to be that bad a proposition. Moreover, you have to face the music for your sins someday.
Besides me sat two of the most sincere maggoos of my class: aathi and unkill. Unkill meant real business while taking down notes diligently. Aathi, who’s a very reticent girl, was plotting new ways to waste all the faltoo time she usually has. In that extreme semblance of tranquility, I tried to get the two of them talking(to me, obviously). It worked and yet it failed. We ended up talking about the catalytic recirculation of fluidized electro-mechanical micro-aeronautical studied beer. Whew!! Bandiraj started jackie-ing with his new-found MJ-powered vocab. LSR, in spite of having faltoo time, didn’t speak much.
We got so involved in the topic that we became completely oblivious of the class. Suddenly, a dumb student asked an even dumber question, “Mr. Raman, what yiss pee?” HS looked up. It was no ordinary dumb student. It was the man himself, Tarr. Ostensibly, Tarr’s eyes caught only bacchi-raman talking. Mandi and I, astutely, started staring blankly at the board.
Tarr left the teacher’s podium and started advancing towards our bench. He came up to baccha-raman and told her gravely, “Yiff yoo dyon’t yansur thee nexta question corrrrectlee, I’ll geev you ay yeff yin this coarse. (now, with a transformed big B voice) Course fukke ke liye, agla sawaal, yeh raha aapke laptop screen par.”(accompanied by KBC background score) I distinctly heard RJ gulp. The spot lights focussed on the four of us. Everybody awaited the question amidst stunned silence. Thus spake Tarr, “Melody itni chocolatey kyon hoti hai?”
Suddenly, Tarr started guffawing at us. Everybody in the class started laughing. The guffaw travelled across the portals of time and space. Mona Lisa’s smile transformed into a laugh. Devdas started to laugh. Gabbar, Samba and hence, Kalia started laughing. The just-crowned anorexic Miss Universe, who was trying hard to force tears out of her enfeebled eyes, started laughing. Tulsi and all the saas-bahus from the K-brigade left their eternal weeping and began to laugh. Kapil Dev, busy crying on TV for doing nothing at all, laughed. The readers of this blog also started laughing. Haathi ravan, I and bandiraj were still clueless. But, what the heck, even we started laughing
.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh! You have summarised forty eight extremely boring lectures in one scathingly funny blogg. :)
Ofcourse that does not make u less cute.. :)

I sign as the Anonymous One.. But of course you know WHO i am.. the very terseness of this entry will indicate that my existence is governed by the zeroth law.. ;)

Phoenix said...

And then in Sweden, a silly girl happily missing the Tarrs and sadli missing her sort-ofs also started laughing at this original yet not-so-original chapaat by her second sort-of.

And hence, everybody in the world came closer because everybody laughed. Now earth ha shrunk. Deepu Aathi and Bandiraj are however, still confused because they are trying to calculate the new density of earth!

!xobile said...

hahahahahah

mast mast

ek dum solid!

(although names must be clarified)

bluestar said...

likhte raho

mausi said...

ye chapaat hai ya chapat hai!!!!!!!!

pratik gupta said...

hehehe....dude...
well written.......
made me imagine wat the scene cud actually be like!!!!!

aj said...

when did this happen. Wazzup.

@sQurE2He..aven'n..ell! said...

impressive!!!
vveryy!

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