Woe Infinitum

The door was still locked. All my efforts to find the key went in vain. And my senses had begun to give up. Stupefied by the exertion and out of sheer desperation, I slammed my fist hard on the door. I wanted to cry out aloud, but a whimper was all that I could have uttered. After all, the ants were watching me. Surprisingly, or shockingly rather, the door opened by the thump. It was never locked…...
With apprehensive steps, I entered the room. Even though the lights were on, the room was dark. The tube lights above were connected end-to-end and formed a big halo. It illuminated just a narrow region, making rest of the room appear even darker. To my utter surprise, the halo seemed to be the devil itself in disguise. How could the only source of light be fiendish? To add to that, my vision was obscured by a haze thinning out with every moment that passed by, only to get murkier. The room was empty.
Faint noises could be heard from somewhere. Everything, every element of the room seemed to inebriate me with delirium. I started feeling cold. I looked around for some support. It was then that the wall caught my eye. The wall undulated to the mumbled noises and grew bigger with each reverberation. A rickety table lay in front of the wall the wall, with a rotting clock above it. The table was infested with termites and the clock was, astonishing as it may seem, being devoured by a host of ants. The ants went nowhere and didn’t appear to build anything from what they feasted upon. The clock was disappearing, slowly and steadily. The table had a woman’s statue besides it. With one of the most distressing expressions ever seen by me, it seemed to emanate gloomy vibes all around. With tears in its eyes, the statue rankled me to the core.
Something moved in the corner. Anxiously, I turned around and saw him sitting on a chair. My confidant, my closest companion was always there. He knew it all and was always there in the room. Yet, he never revealed it to me. I went closer and was taken aback with what I witnessed next. He had turned into a ghastly figure. With hollowed eyes and blood dripping from the fingernails, he was no longer me. In spite of his pitiful state, he was relentlessly reading a book, rambling incessantly to himself. The ants were watching him too. I tried to talk to him, but no sound could come out from my mouth. I tried to shout but was helplessly unable to do so. With only one aim in his mind, he had completely forgotten about anything that existed outside the room. I was alone once again……
Despondently, I looked around for the last time. The keys were there, right in front of me. The door was never locked. Somebody had unlocked the door and had been awaiting me all that time. Maybe the person wanted to talk to me. Maybe the person was always there for me and I had ignored the door. Everything boiled down to a stream of maybes and a despairing concoction of what-could-have-beens. Maybe, I never looked in all this time. As that realization dawned on me, my heart kept sinking to the depths of desolation.
Now, only an image remains, a reflection refusing to fade away. I just wish I could talk to her once. Maybe, I have lost her………...…..forever.

Ze Tribute to the chapaating Red-coloured green monster, Mr. X

“Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.”

True, isn’t it? Every time I laugh with someone, I find myself getting drawn closer to the individual. It seems as if a thousand words have been spoken, all the secrets have been confided and every impediment overcome. Even an affable smile with that genuine spark in the eyes is more than enough to let me be……..

One of my sort-ofs, Mani unkill, started writing a blog last year. It started out as an assortment of bounteous pictures and unkill’s trademark PJs. The blogs had intermittent sparks of good humour(beg your pardon) in an otherwise unattractive blog. They were a far cry from his hilarious runtime PJs. However, chapaat was the only one of its kind. Gradually, it started evolving and improving with every blog that he wrote. They started getting longer, more comprehensible and humorous. It started gaining popularity. Some people even started patronizing chapaat. What happened to the blog thence should be seen to be believed.
I’ve, in this blog, made a suicidal attempt to write a chapaat. Believe me, this is going to be one of my most incongruous, silly blogs but that’s the way life seems to be.......plain silly.

CHAPAAT!!
As I woke up from one of my deepest slumbers, I found myself winking in Tarr’s class. Opening my eyes had never been so damn difficult. On the top of it, I had to face one of the most apathetic, annoyed, grimaced faces ever seen on the face of this planet. I kept reminding myself that it was just a passing phase and even if it wasn’t, I’d to face up to it. On the face of it, it didn’t seem to be that bad a proposition. Moreover, you have to face the music for your sins someday.
Besides me sat two of the most sincere maggoos of my class: aathi and unkill. Unkill meant real business while taking down notes diligently. Aathi, who’s a very reticent girl, was plotting new ways to waste all the faltoo time she usually has. In that extreme semblance of tranquility, I tried to get the two of them talking(to me, obviously). It worked and yet it failed. We ended up talking about the catalytic recirculation of fluidized electro-mechanical micro-aeronautical studied beer. Whew!! Bandiraj started jackie-ing with his new-found MJ-powered vocab. LSR, in spite of having faltoo time, didn’t speak much.
We got so involved in the topic that we became completely oblivious of the class. Suddenly, a dumb student asked an even dumber question, “Mr. Raman, what yiss pee?” HS looked up. It was no ordinary dumb student. It was the man himself, Tarr. Ostensibly, Tarr’s eyes caught only bacchi-raman talking. Mandi and I, astutely, started staring blankly at the board.
Tarr left the teacher’s podium and started advancing towards our bench. He came up to baccha-raman and told her gravely, “Yiff yoo dyon’t yansur thee nexta question corrrrectlee, I’ll geev you ay yeff yin this coarse. (now, with a transformed big B voice) Course fukke ke liye, agla sawaal, yeh raha aapke laptop screen par.”(accompanied by KBC background score) I distinctly heard RJ gulp. The spot lights focussed on the four of us. Everybody awaited the question amidst stunned silence. Thus spake Tarr, “Melody itni chocolatey kyon hoti hai?”
Suddenly, Tarr started guffawing at us. Everybody in the class started laughing. The guffaw travelled across the portals of time and space. Mona Lisa’s smile transformed into a laugh. Devdas started to laugh. Gabbar, Samba and hence, Kalia started laughing. The just-crowned anorexic Miss Universe, who was trying hard to force tears out of her enfeebled eyes, started laughing. Tulsi and all the saas-bahus from the K-brigade left their eternal weeping and began to laugh. Kapil Dev, busy crying on TV for doing nothing at all, laughed. The readers of this blog also started laughing. Haathi ravan, I and bandiraj were still clueless. But, what the heck, even we started laughing.

The e11even commandments........

My first blog is just going to elicit some of the points I’ll keep reminding you about, in my yet-to-come blogs.

1.) I’m not exactly one of those kinds who have their way with words.
2.) I can be highly pensive at times and yet, become as blithe in the same breath. I guess, maybe that’s why nobody takes me seriously.
3.) I’m mostly sure about what I say. Still, I could change my stand on something, only to revert to what I said earlier.
4.) Even I have no idea how talented I am.
5.) I love criticism and would love to have as many comments as possible on this blog.
6.) I gain pleasure and calm from mocking life in general, especially if it’s mine.
7.) As a principle, I try never to get offensive to anybody callow or even weaker than me.
8.) Anger appalls me.
9.) I hate to hate anybody. Still, I find myself helpless at times.
10.) People make a person appear grander than his work (a view I share with Mani unkill).
11.) No names will be harmed in the production of my blogs. Computer special-effects generated pseudo-names shall be used. This rule may be violated on the request of the infringed individual.